Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
