The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
