I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
