it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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