first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize