Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
