and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize