is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My penis needs a shock collar
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
