just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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