dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
