I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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