Sry I called you an 8
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
