My nipple is on Facebook.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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