Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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