8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
