We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
