thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize