just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
