Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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