found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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