I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
