You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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