the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
