i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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