Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
