I'm so fucking centered right now
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
