i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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