You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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