Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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