There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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