drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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