they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
