i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
