Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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