Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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