My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
