Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
