Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
