I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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