Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
