I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
And then my night got REAL pukey
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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