Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Success! We fucked roommates!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
