I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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