her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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