i don't like sucking hair
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize