we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
