I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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