My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
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