drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
