I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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