for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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