Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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