Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
