I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I could fuck to npr.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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