im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
