i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
