she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize