mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
