He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
