Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
