I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
