I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
