So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
