dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
