you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
