Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Acid is not a monday night drug
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
