sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
