I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
