Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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