Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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