her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Panties = found
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize