I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize