Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
