defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
