Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
