I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
