I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
