I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
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