They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
